Chord Overstreet and The Great Chicken Caper
by jericho2k
Summary: Pure crack!fic born from a prompt on . Chord Overstreet receives some truth bombs via twitter prompting him to go undercover on the gleeforum and enter the crazy world of chicken shading, RileyStreet and fanfiction..M rated for language
1. A Visit from Da truth Ninja

**Okay first things first:**

**Disclaimer: This is a completely made up crack!fic which bears absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to those featured (hopefully not!). Quotes come from the RileyStreet Thread posters on nad shout outs to some great fan fics!**

**Brief summary: The Rileystreet thread on gleeforum is reckless and wild and with that in mind my lovely other half Lee (who although has never posted on there and would never animate himself to do so has a harem on there due to his truth bombs which I pass on)almost started a riot by commenting that he was going to tweet (from my account) and drop some truth bombs on the unsuspecting Chord about his life choices and girlfriend. Said girlfriend has been receiving an endless amount of shade centred around her use of chicken fillets to stuff her bra plus her horrendous fashion taste. Many, many nicknames exist for this poultry stuffer-this fic features but a few and they are all chicken/fowl based.. When I told everyone about Lee's threat someone requested a fic about Chord receiving these tweets and stumbling across both the Forum and Rileystreet thread. I agreed to do it and everyone requested a crack!fic thus it was born. **

**Shoutouts: Big shoutout to my fellow Briton and Truthslayer Lady Basquiat and resident PHD Sexpert and Body Language Expert. Our own 's LotusTattoo (love4cedes on gleeforum) author of Six Months, Shoetingstar (on ff and gleeforum) author of If You were Here, Zigzag77 (Vangiefan on Gleeforum). Riga (gleeforum), Mocha (gleeforum), Shae32 (gleeforum), LaSueca (gleeforum) and the missing Ducky8abug...your hilarious quotes on that thread have made me laugh so much!**

**A massive shout out to FoxCB who will be hopefully bailing us all out when we get arrested (and me extradited from the UK) for causing the death of one Chord Overstreet via cardiac infarction should he ever find his way to the Rileystreet thread (May God and Grilled Cheesus forbid)**

**This fic is pure twattery only and does not bear any resemblance to The Wedding Planner, Shining Light,Homeless or Coming Back to What You know...It is for shits and giggles only...**

**It begins during the start of Chord and Mark's vacation on a ranch in Texas on Mother's Day weekend (receipts on Twitter)**

* * *

**Introduction- A visit from Da Truth Ninja!**

Chord Overstreet and The Great Throw That Chicken on the Fire Caper

Somewhere on a ranch in Texas...10am...The fun begins...

Mark: (shaking Chord awake)Dude!

Chord: ...

Mark: C'mon man! Geddup!

Chord: Whaaat!

Mark: You need to get your ass up and look at your Twitter. That shit's done gone wild!

Chord: For fuck's sake, man. Don't tell me Emma's going around lookin' like an under-dressed scarecrow again! Sometimes I think she shouldn't be allowed out on her own...

Mark: Fuck that shit, dude. That'd be in your dreams compared to this! (sticks iPhone under Chord's nose)

Chord: WHAT THE HELL! WHAT IS THIS SHIT! WHO IS THIS DUDE! (Falls out of the bed arms flailing)

Mark: This shit is being retweeted everywhere...(laughing like his ass is on fire)

Chord:WHAT!That's all I need! To have Emma back on the phone ruining what's left of this vacation!

Mark: (snorting): Has she already been on the phone?

Chord: Yeah at five in the morning! Who the hell gets up at five in the morning on a weekend!

Mark: Your girlfriend obviously!(muttering under his breath)Chicken-beaked bitch...

Chord: And all she did was bitch about how I should have "checked in with her" before I cut my hair!

Mark: Man, she still on about that one?

Chord: (disgusted)All she talks about...apparently it makes my face look fat.

Mark: Fat? You? Chord Overstreet? Bwahahahahaha..*snort*(unintelligible) that chicken's done gone maaaaad bwahahaha...

Chord: Forget her shit! What is this crap! (gets phone and scrolls down the screen, eyes bugging and ears getting progressively redder.)

Lee Cullen datruthbombninja  
Fool, I'm gonna send you a coupon code for specsavers cos you seem to be in desperate need! chordoverstreet #soyou'redatingaskankychicken

Lee Cullen datruthbombninja  
And you need to know what time it is...time to wake up smell da coffee and wring dat chicken neck!  
chordoverstreet #Andyouneedtogetadamned clue

Chord: What the hell is specsavers? And why is he talking about chicken?

Mark: Dude just read on...

Lee Cullen datruthbombninja  
You got that chicken egg on your face while she's skanking around with a random hookup guy? What's that bre?  
chordoverstreet #

Lee Cullen datruthbombninja  
Whilst you're sprung for another girl...Dude you are too obvious...check yourself  
chordoverstreet #chordandamberkissinginatree

Lee Cullen datruthbombninja  
How do you put up with that trench foot smell? Dinnay worry, I'll send you another coupon for Dr Scholl's  
chordoverstreet #

Lee Cullen  datruthbombninja  
Amber or Emma?Like there's a damned choice,waste fool! Amber's got more class in one finger!  
chordoverstreet #Foolyou'dbetterrecognise

Chord:I'm so dead! Like literally, she's gonna kill me...

Mark:Which one? Emma or Amber?

Chord:Emma!Why would you think-oh no...Amber's going to kill me too..

Mark: Hey look #so you're dating a skanky chicken is trending! Ha!

Chord:Shit! Don't lie!

Mark: This shit's all over tumblr...bwahahaha!

Chord: Tumblr? I don't go on that...too crazy...

Mark: Here's another one!

Lee Cullen datruthbombninja  
You need a clue and Imma give it to ya.. ...28-rileystreet/  
chordoverstreet #youneedaforumintervention

Chord: What is that?

Mark:I have no idea...(lightbulb goes off) We need a laptop!

Chord: (screams) LAPTOP!

(Both run for the door)


	2. Down the Rabbit hole to Troll,Troll, Tro

** Part 1- Down The Rabbit Hole to Troll,Troll,Troll!**

**Ok the kness reference to Emma comes from some awful pics of her knees from the Nylon Young Hollywood party on the red carpet...**

**Google always appears on gleeforum and is a suspected troll...for the purpose of this fic it is Kevin's troll username.**

**Anni2k12 is my sister's username on the gleeforum. Everyone else had a shoutout in the intro...**

* * *

**1 Hour later on ****the ranch**** at the ****kitchen**** table...**

Mark: Dude! Just go to the site already! We've been here a whole frickin' hour!

Chord: But what if-

Mark:You're laptop is not gonna get a virus just from a visiting a forum!

Chord: But-  
Mark:CHORD!

Chord:Maybe we should ask someone else...someone who knows about this sort of thing...What do they call them? Ogres or something.

Mark:(cuffs his ear)

Chord:Owwww!

Mark:Trolls, you idiot. (Rolls eyes)

Chord:Yeah, those. And I know just the person!

Mark:Who?

Chord:Lea!

Mark: She's a Twitter troll, fool! We need someone with mad trolling skillz, we need...Kevin

.  
Chord:Kevin?

Mark:Dude he lurks on all these types of thing (pulls out mobile and dials placing the call on speaker phone)

Kevin: Hello?

Mark:Yo dude! Wassup!

Kevin:Hey man! How's it hanging?

Mark:Cool. Yo Kev, my boy Chord here has a problem-

Kevin:Hahaha You mean the truth bomb ninja tweets? That's some mad shit...hahahaha...'waste fool'

Mark Bwahahahaha...'so you're dating a skanky chicken' hahahahahaha..

.  
Chord: Laugh you morons! My life is hanging in the balance here and what do you idiots do?

Kevin:Hahahahahaha *snort* Chicken! Chicken! (resounding crash echoes down the line)

Chord:Dude?

Kevin:Sorry, laughed so hard I fell off the damned chair. That shit's too funny!

Chord:Whatever! So that Lee guy sent a link to this site...

Kevin:The glee forum, I saw that.

Mark:Yeah well Pussy Chord here is scared to go there...

Kevin: Just go there already,fool! Its a blast!

Chord:Wait you've been there?

Kevin:All the time dude! I even have a username!

Mark:Seriously dude?

Kevin:Yeah, its Google...hahaha I never post, just lurk so everybody thinks I'm a troll hahaha

Chord:So...its safe?

Kevin:Huh? No I never said that, particularly that thread...

Chord:What's wrong with it?

Kevin: Just...ummm...go into it with an open mind..

Chord:Rileystreet...what kind of a name is that?

Kevin:Duh..its yours and Amber's surnames combined...

Chord:Whaaaat?

Kevin:It gets reckless in there so put a jimmy on hahahaha...cos boom pregnant!

Mark:Oh-kay, I mean how reckless can it get in there?

Kevin (cue evil laugh) You have no idea...If you see a girl named Ducky, say hi from me will ya?

Chord: Who the hell is that?

Kevin: She ships McRiley..(sigh) I love her...

Chord:What's that? Some sort of new McDonald's burger?

Mark:No, you fool, (thwack round the ear again)

Chord:Owww!

Mark: Its Kevin and Amber...you know like together...

Chord:Fuck that shit!

Kevin:Ooooooh, someone's jealous..

.  
Chord:I mean you're too young for her, that's all.

Kevin:So are you though.

Chord(irritated)Am not

Kevin:Are too

Chord:Am not!

Kevin:Are too!

Mark:Enough! Fools be gone! Y'all know the only guy for her is standing right here...Yeah that's right bitches I'm Mark Salling...sexasaurus and what I'd do to that booty-owww!

Chord (elbows Mark in the ribs hard) Shut up! You know you're never getting near that!

Kevin:True dat!

Mark:Would too if y'all didn't cockblock me

Chord:(side-eyeing Mark) you would have to have a cock to block!

Mark:Someone's tetchy...is Chordy-poo upset cos we're trying to steal his girlie?

Chord:Shuddup! I'm with Emma remember?

Mark:As if I could forget...(mutters)lord above those knees...ain't even human...chickenfied beeotch.

.  
Kevin:Umm about Emma..

.  
Chord:What about that stup- I mean what about her?

Kevin: Just be aware...they don't like chicken in that thread...and look out for Shoetingstar, Vangiefan,Mocha and love4cedes...they be dropping some deep truth bombs that would make your pretty blonde hair drop out...As for Lady B and Anni2k12...I'll let you find out yourself...British and brutal!

Mark:Right, we going in?

Chord: Let's do this! We be like super ninja spies yo!

Kevin:Super ninja fools more like it!

Mark :Yeah ! Get it! Get It!(High Fives Chord)

Chord:(typing) ./topic/30828-rileystreet/...Oh look...its me...and there's Amber..awww she looks so cute..and there's me again...and OH MY GOD!


	3. On the Wings of a Badly Dressed Chicken

**Ok..so this chapter's fun and delights were prompted by the jumpin' peen gif from the Choke episode guys gym scene, some of the awesome fan art that's out there...the gloryhole present box I think is by Kristin the Reckless...absolutely hilarious! Emma shading inspired by the pics from her second week at cochella where she modelled some weird and wonderful outfits...not to mention the 3 day old socks. She earned the nickname Smokin' Kabob after she was photographed smoking...still in the chicken vein.**

**3 Hours later on the ranch at the kitchen table reading the Rileystreet thread and poor Kevin still on the phone**

Mark(concerned) You okay, man?

Kevin:Dude? Are you alive?

Chord:...

Mark:Hey! You okay?

Chord:Th-they're talking about...my...junk! This one says she wants to climb me like a tree!

Mark:No shame hahahaha!

Chord: ( face as red as tomato and hyperventilating)Jumpin' peen...they have pictures...Listen to what some chick called Love4cedes has written...how come there's no one called Love4sam huh?  
"WHAT THE FUCK? CHORD! My brain cannot process this right now. WTF!OMG. OMG. OMG. His peen is MOVING ON IT'S my eyes playing tricks on me since I have not had my coffee" Are these people sex maniacs?

Kevin: Don't wear such tight trousers...oh the gifs of the jumpin' peen! Hahahaha

Chord:Fuck you!

Mark:Check it-one of them is a doctor...

Chord:Who?  
Mark:Lady Basquiat! She is like a doctor of psychology or something...she's done some in depth analysis on you and Amber! This is better than paying a therapist woo-hoo!

Chord: What does she say?

Mark:Well apparently she's written a paper on your blushing..

Chord:My what?

Mark:Dude did you know that when you kiss Amber your ears are like flaming red...kinda like they are now?

Chord:What do you expect? They've got gifs of me body rolling with 'Pussy Bandit' all over them...my eyes will never be the same!

Mark: Fuck me hahahahah! (rolls around laughing)

Chord: (looking scared) What!

Mark:Someone's actually drawn a cartoon of you as Sam...putting yo peen into a gloryhole...hahahaha!

Chord:WHAT! WHERE?

Mark: Here...Someone called Bubblezzz posted it bwahahahaha...

Kevin: What page? What page?

Mark: 83! This shit's raw!

Kevin:Woo-hoo! Boom pregnant with triplets!

Chord: Fuck me! I feel faint...They are actually praying to Grilled Cheesus! These people are crazy...crayzee!

Mark: Lookee here! Lady B calling you a sock stuffer...Gawd I love her...

Chord: I do not stuff my shorts!

Mark:Lawdy lawdy cover your eyes!

Chord:Why?

Mark:(Puts hands over Chord's eyes)There's an artist's drawing of you and Amber...ummm she's sitting in your lap...nekkid...Oh my sweet Jesus!

Chord:Lemme see! Lemme see! (pushes Mark off)

Kevin: Why don't they ever draw pictures like that of me and Amber...*sob*

Chord:...  
Mark: Dude?

Chord: Need to save it! NEED TO SAVE IT! (Hitting right click and save desperately)

Mark:Shit go easy on the keyboard dude! You'll break it!

Chord:Mine!

Mark:Okay Gollum...(Chord is now right click and saving every Amber image he comes across like a demented fool) And you say you're not attracted to Amber...

Chord:Shuddup!

Kevin: Oh the Chicken shade is glorious! Listen to this gem from Anni2k12:  
"Well really would you want to be seen out and about with someone that was wearing a pair of such hideous trousers they looked like they've been made out of an old 70s bedspread? Not to mention that t shirt that made it look like she'd been attacked by Edward Scissorhands...and those socks would've been walking themselves to the bagwash by the end of the weekend. Lesson 101 in rocking the 'Summat the cat done pooed and dragged in' look. The dress for that met thingy was infinitely better but that's not saying much- still dont think she's that pretty even scrubbed up. At least it was an appropriate colour-Chicken Yellow."  
Jesus the British are brutal!

Chord:She's not that chickeny...

Mark: Dude even her breasts are made of fake poultry...what? Just sayin'

Chord:...

Kevin: And her clothes! My God how did you even walk around with her at Cochella? Were those folk not even giving you any looks?

Chord:(mutters under his breath)That's why I wore shades, so I could block it out...Well ok some of her fashion choices are random I'll admit-

Mark:Is that what we're calling it?I thought it was more Old Crazy Bag Bitch look.

Kevin: Preach! That shit's naaaasty!

Mark: Especially since these ninjas here have noticed that she wore THE SAME SOCKS the entire weekend! Nasty chicken turd.

Chord: I suspected as much...her feet always smell bad...but I put that down to squeezing her chicken feet into shoes that were too small...

Kevin:Dude, tweet da truth ninja back and ask for the coupon code for Dr Scholl's you been needing that shit fast...

Mark: These chicks don't mess about dude...

Kevin:Of course they don't, fool! Mercedes has like a mafia!

Chord: A mafia? Don't lie! Check it! These people are part of MI8...

Mark: What's that?

Chord: Well isn't MI5 like the British spy agency James Bond works for? These chicks must be hardcore spies...Fuck! We need to check for hidden cameras and bugs! (looking around wildly)

Mark: MY EYES! MY EYES! Begone knobbly kneed fowl!

Chord:What the hell-

Kevin: Jesus! Chord! How can you! Those knees are frigging prehistoric!

Mark: Yeah...I second what Shae32 says " I'm sorry, but why are my eyes always drawn to her knees. She really needs to do something about that. Like cover them up. " Dude, you need to like buy her a pac a mac that goes down to the floor to cover that bony carcass up!

Chord: I just don't look at them...turns my stomach...

Kevin:Amber has the best knees...the best legs...the best as-

Chord: Shuddup!

Kevin: And da truth boms keep coming! Aww look at the picture from the prom episode...why so serious Chord?

Chord:...

Kevin: Ha! Mocha can tell ya why! " Its almost as if Eric just told them this is the last scene he will be shooting of them.. and Chord got all sad puppy dog while Amber is reacting like. awwww you're so cute.. and like Eric is like riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. LOL ya know, the feels." Man this is deep!

Chord:How do they know this?That was private! I mean they're wrong, they're all wrong...

Mark:Sure, of course they are (patting him on the back)...and you're girlfriend is not the next poster child for Bird Flu...

Chord: Okay she may be a bit-

Kevin: Bwahahahahaha! Poultry Roadkill! Smokin Kabob! This is golden! Golden I tell ya!

Mark: These girls have receipts dude. Receipts! Hey Chord whatcha doing?

Chord:(phone to his ear)Calling Amber!

Amber:Hello?

Chord:Hey it's me!

Amber:What the hell is going on with Twitter! I've had that nasty-necked feathered beast that you call girlfriend on the phone-

Chord: (shouting excitedly)I'm on the Gleeforum...on Rileystreet! Did you know you have a mafia!

Amber:Riley what?

Chord:They've got pictures, Amber, pictures!They're part of some conspiracy! An undercover British spy agency called MI8! They know my ears go red when I kiss you! They've got drawings of you and me naked! Rabid poultry all over the place!

Amber: WHAT THE HELL-

Chord:Jumpin' peen Amber! Jumpin' Peen and gloryholes I tell ya!

Amber:CHORD OVERSTREET YOU DRUNK DIALLING ME AGAIN FOOL! JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL YOU GET BACK TO LA! *click*

Chord: She hung up...

Kevin: And to think I haven't even shown him the fan fiction...


	4. Temptation Fanboy

**Ok in this part Kevin has in complete lack of wisdom introduced Chord to the delights of . He has read The CEO's Assistant by Briellableu and Temptation With a Southern Accent by sadhappygirl and is now turning into a fanfic whore...He is eagerly waiting for Shoetingstar to post If you Were Here...The pic that they are looking at of Emma, is from Mother's Day weekend where she is walking down the street in her socks.**

**Reference to Meta World Peace (no idea who this dude really is) is ytaken from his tweet about Amber being pretty and wanting to see if she was a ten (or something like that) Waste fool man! Chord tweeted some shade about this idiot some time later.**

* * *

**Chord's room, on a ranch somewhere in Texas, the following evening... Kevin is back on speakerphone**

Mark: Kevin! What the hell have you done to him?

Kevin:What?

Mark: What fool website did you send him to last night? Dude didnt go to bed until 4 in the morning!

Kevin: I had to do something man! Don't hate on me...if he had rung Amber one more time and left another fool message she'd have hopped on the next plane down and done killed him...He's left 35 messages dude! 35! She has flames shooting outta her ears, man!

Mark: I know...I had to wrestle the phone off him and then he cried like a baby...

Kevin: Besides it wasn't like I unleashed him on Tumblr;that shit's the mad notes...I only sent him to the holy grail of fanfiction...

Mark:Fanfiction? What's that?

Kevin:You know, where the fans write stories about the characters...and sometimes the actors..

Mark:WHAT? Are there any Puck stories?Are they...sexy stories?Please say they're sexay Puckcedes stories!

Kevin:Focus fool! What's happened to Chord?Amber'll kill me if something's happened to him!

Mark: I dunno! I mean we had to drag him golfing this morning and even then he had his iPad with him everywhere he went...he nearly crashed the damn sedgeway into a tree...said he was reading Chord vs the Glee Dudes or something like it!

Kevin:Ahhh CVTGB...gotta love that one...

Mark: Then he read Some Dude's Assistant, hell if I know..and then it was something about a year..or a month...no it was called Six Months.

Kevin: And now?

Mark:Dude! Chord! What're you reading?

Chord...

Mark:Hey!

Chord:...

Mark (smacks Chord between the eyes with the heel of his hand)

Chord:Owwww!

Mark:What are you reading?

Chord: (saying dreamily whilst grinning like as fool) I made her panties fall off...

Mark: What the fuck? Who's panties?

Chord: Cedes'...Amber's...who cares...I did it...

Kevin:Ohhhh he's reading Temptation With a Southern Accent.

Chord:I made her panties fall off...

Kevin:Hell, he's got fanfiction overdose...this ain't gonna be pretty...

Chord:Mmmmm (bites lips) Ms Pretty..

Mark: Fuck me! Dude you need to see this ish...(turns Chord's head towards the laptop screen)

Chord:I made her-(screams) aaaaaaargggh! What the hell is that!

Mark:That's one done gone mad rabid chicken on the loose!

Chord: No shoes! No shoess! Nooooo shooooeeeeees!

Kevin: Dear God the inhumanity of it!

Mark:Shit, dude, if she walks down the street with no shoes, who knows what else she don't wash!

Kevin: (retching) I think I just sicked up in my mouth!

Mark:That's it I'm tweeting that guy back..you need the coupon for specsavers and Dr Scholls and Imma ask him if he knows a good butcher that can come wring that scrawny neck while I'm at it!

Kevin:Naw let Amber do it...she never liked that scraggy-assed screeching pea-hen anyway...

Chord: I feel like I should be upset at you guys...but strangely I'm not..._I made her panties fall off..._

Mark: Man, she skanky...what the hell were you thinking?

Kevin: You know I always thought she walked weirdly...

Chord:Yeah she does. She walks pigeon-toed cos she's forced those chicken claws into shoes that are too small...Mmmmm Amber has small feet...Oh shit! Did I say that aloud?

Mark:Heard it loud and clear! Time to bbq that dried out chicka ho, man.

Kevin:Word!

Chord:But-

Kevin:Thank God you didn't take her with you!

Mark:Shit, your mom! Fuck knows what she'd have said!

Kevin: Hahahaha probably what Vangiefan said : Dayuummm! His Mom would've side-eyed Chord and said "This musty bitch here!"

Chord: (Horrified) Fuck no! My mom would freak...probably stick her in the washer before she let her anywhere in the house! Ain't no way, noooo waaaay I'm bringing her home! Dad'll shoot her by mistake thinking she's some sort of wild fowl..

Mark:Dude that shit has got to go!

Kevin:Look, man you don't get your shit together, Meta World Peace may come a-callin' for Miss Riley...just sayin'...

Chord: That fool! Fucker thought he was slick and ain't shit tweeting about her like that...yeah, yeah check it, I waited for my time to come and when it did...BOOM I cast dat shade!

Mark:I knew it! Dude you're too obvious!

Chord:Am not!

Mark: Are too

Chord: Am not!

Kevin: *sob* I just miss Ducky...Ducky I looooooovvvve you! Where are you?Riiiiiiiga! I love you too...please bring back my Ducky!

Chord:Who the hell is Riga?

Kevin:She's the one who wants to climb you like a tree...

Chord (Blushing) Lord help me!

Mark: Its your fault for wearing tight trousers dude! All the chicks want up on yo peen!

Chord: I wonder if Amber would want to...ummm...maybe I should call her...again.

Mark:NO!

Kevin:NO!

Mark:You have a death wish?

Kevin:Dump the schnitzel, then talk to Amber.

Chord:...

Mark:Hey dude! D'ya know that Shoetingstar is writing...wait for it...a RileyStreet fanfiction!

Chord: (screams like a fangirl) Ohmigod! Where? When? Can I read it like now?RileyStreet! Rileystreet!

RILEYSTREET! I MADE HER PANTIES FALL OFF!(faints)

Mark:Shit, dude, he's done fainted!

Kevin:Another victim of the Merslaydes Mafia, slayed by their receipts of pure Amber sexiness...


	5. Magnetic Panties

**Ok so this is part 5 of the crack fic!**

**Featuring shout outs for Kurenai-she is an awesome troll finder,Fox CB,Shoetingstar whose long awaited RileyStreet fic Chord is jonesing over,Samycede32 (Briellableu) author of The CEO's Assistant and the awesome fics Magnetic by Downbytheriver and My Guardian Dear by IxAMxDECADENCE**

**Thank you so much for your reviews and alerts...can't believe it has had as many as it has considering it truly is a Crack!fic...Massive hugs and loves to my gleeforum pals..xxxx**

**Song Kevin sings in honour of the missing Ducky is Donna by Ritchie Valens.**

**The idea of Chord and Mark writing a song for Amber comes from the pic of the two of them on vacation playing guitar together.**

**Magnetic Panties**

**The next day, on a ranch somewhere in Texas poor Mark is at his wit's end babysitting and phone-policing Chord... **

Chord:Ok (clicking ) Right we're at the sign in screen...umm what do I do?

Kevin: Pick a name you fool!

Chord: Can't I just use my own name?

Kevin: Mark! Smack him for me! Do you even know the meaning of the word undercover?

Chord: Ok...Well there's a love4cedes...what about a love4chord?

Kevin:NO

Mark:NO

Chord: Ok...look here's xoSamcedesloverxo...what about xoChordloverxo

Kevin:Fool! Forget using your own name!

Mark: What about Puckthesexshark?

Kevin:Idiots! I have to go meet Amber at the studio...just...try to keep out of trouble...these chicks here are like sharks smelling blood in the water...they can spot at troll at 50 paces...especially Kurenai and Shae. Trust me, you do not want Kurenai suspecting you're a troll...she'll blow you out that forum quicker than you can say Dixie I'm gone keep an eye out for Ducky...she's my soulmate...(sings)oh Ducky, woh Ducky...I had a girl...Ducky was her name..since she left me I've never been the same...

Chord: Wait...what? You're going where?

Kevin: You know Amber done wants mah bodeh!

Chord:If you were here I'd-

Kevin:Yeah, yeah Chicken Boi!

Chord:...(speechless)

Kevin: Laters! (Hangs up)

Chord: That is so wrong! Worse than Metta World Dick!

Mark:You know he gon get his mack on...what? Just saying...McRiley has a nice ring to it...

Chord:RileyStreet trumps that shit, dude! The only thing he'll be mackin' on is my fist!

Mark:You know that sounds kinda kinky...right?

Chord:Shut the hell up and help me think of something!

Mark:How about DaPantydropper? Or Dapantywhisperer? Wait I've got it...DaPantymelter!

Chord:Yeah real subtle...

Mark: Only cos you keep quoting that Temptation fic...

Chord:What? I'm a sadhappygirl fangirl..so what..don't judge me! Wait I've got it!(typing)

Mark:What? What? WHAT?...Ohhhh...that's too genius dude...He ain't gonna like that!

Chord: Serves him right for putting the moves down on my girl...I mean casting shade on that desiccated ostrich I call girlfriend ...(Typing) D-r-u-i-d-d-u-d-e-l-o-v-e-r...Password? W-a-n-k-y. There! Gleeforum here I come!

Mark:Remember what Kev said, man. Be subtle...good trolls are quiet ones...

Chord:Dude, its me...what the hell could go wrong?

2 Hours Later

Mark (screams) Abort!Abort!Abort!

Chord: Shit how do you edit this thing! Fuck! Oh shit! Okay am correcting it now...shit don't know how to erase...gah! All I did was ask them why they throw chicken shade at Emma...

Mark: ( Reading) "Because someone I think Lady B posted an article where the Paps had taken pictures of her car and she had the things she stuffs her shirts with in there and they looked like undercooked chicken breast/tenders and we took it from there and have come up with some great names. Best one yet was Smokin Kebob after we saw a pic of her smoking I think Anni came up with that one" Fuck me these chicks are brutal! Bwahahaha undercooked chicken tenders...lord love it! Why did you not leave that the hell alone when you had your answer! Why comment back at Vangiefan...she was just dropping truth bombs yo! But no you and your ass hattery sense of humour land us in shit again! "Ok right. Smokin Kebob lol! I've tried to tell her a hundred times it's not good for you!" Are you insane! Kevin is going to kill you! And then what did you add? In the words of Lady B and Anni nothing but waste foolishness.  
"Sorry I meant to say my sister smokes and I've tried to tell her a hundred times it's no good for her! but I suppose when you see people like that smoking it makes it cooler for the kids?" You be a true moron!

Chord:Dude, chill. Did you see my slickness? I just made out like it was a mistake...

Mark:You're just lucky that Kurenai chick wasn't there...she scares me stupid and I haven't even met her...dude she would've ripped us a new one...(drops voice to a whisper)keep an eye on that Shae though...I think she's side-eyeing you!

Chord:They like me Mark...(fangirl clapping) I've got 18 likes!

Mark:That's 18 wasted likes somebody will never get back!

Chord: Dude, I've been lurking in the fanfiction thread...do you think it'd be ok if I sent Sammycede32 a message?

Mark:Who?

Chord:The chick who writes The CEO's Assistant..I _love_ that fic...(sighs dreamily)Almost as much as I love Magnetic...

Mark: Idiot! You're supposed to be undercover!( watches Chord tapping away on the keyboard furiously) What are you doing?

Chord: I'm sending a message to Shoetingstar!

Mark :(wrestling him away from the laptop)What the fuck for?

Chord: I wants my Rileystreet fanfic and I wants it NOW! GIVE ME IT!

Mark:You've done lost the plot...I think that diseased turkey gizzard has given you bird flu...

Chord:Ugh..do you have to mention her? Can't we talk about anything else instead?

Mark: Like what, fool!

Chord:Like how awesome My Guardian Dear is...

Mark: (thwacks Chord around the earhole)If I have to tell that squawking dead dodo that you're on the toilet one more time when she calls...I'm sure she doesn't believe me judging from the incessant chicken scratching I can hear at the end of the line...dude if she could she'd stick her beak right through the receiver and peck my lying eyes out!

Chord: (cell phone ringing) Its her! Get rid of it! Get rid of it! GET RID OF IT!BEGONE FOWL BEAST! (shoves cell at Mark and cowers behind his bed)

Mark: (answering call) Yes? No...he's still in the bathroom...of course I ain't lying...(mutters )you pigeon toed hoe..(louder)I said he'll call you back for sho! No I don't know how long he'll be (mutters again)stank chicken fried rice..(pulls phone away from ear and Chord winces hearing Emma's shrill bird cawing. Louder) I said I saw your pics, you look nice..(click).she hung up ...

Chord:Phew...

Mark: Dude as they are always saying on that forum, you need to toss that shit on the fit for pet food pile...Chord, are you even listening?

Chord:Shhhh! I'm reading Fox's fic recommendations...she's all kinds of shiny...(hero worshipping tone)

Mark: Fuck me dude...I think you've finally grown a vagina!

Chord: Quick! Grab your guitar...we gonna write a song for Amber...

Mark: Lawd above!

Chord:I'm going to call it...I Made Your Magnetic Panties Fall Off

Mark: Cheesus take da wheel!


	6. Oral Showerfest

**Oral Showerfest**

**Thank You so much for your reviews! Especially from sadhappygirl and IXAMXDECADENCE...Chord is fangirling so hard right now!Thank you Jadziwine for the brilliant birdbitch comment!**

**To all of you who have asked, no Lee has not tweeted poor Chord...on pain of me busting his kneecaps lol!**

**Chord is still hiding from Emma Chickenfaced Roberts. Poor Mark is at his wit's end. Chord has discovered the delights of tumblr and writing terrible rhyming songs for Amber. Shae has clocked on to his trolling ways and now all three of them are living in fear of Kurenai.**

**Chord has ventured further into the forum and discovered the Samcedes fan art and fan video thread...its too much for him...bless.**

**Kevin's Ducky is still missing...**

**Emma's doorknocker knees are now featuring in Chord's nightmares and as far as she knows every time she calls he is permanently sitting on the pot...Chord has written a song for Amber called Magnetic Panties and sent it before Mark could stop him.**

**Chord has stumbled across a Rileystreet fic called The Doe-eyed Fawn and Murry by Yinx1 and has the brilliant idea of e-mailing it to Amber.**

**Kevin is on speakerphone**

Kevin: YOU IDIOT!

Mark:What? What did I do?

Kevin: Does Druiddudelover ring any bells? Huh? Does Shae32 remind you of anything?Morons! I leave you alone for one day to go and record with Amber and I come back to this shizznit!

Chord:Amber...Amber...mmmmm..._Amber_...

Kevin: Lord above...no more flippin' songs...I don't want to hear anymore...You should've seen Amber's face when she played it...She thinks you've eaten one too many times at the chicken buffet and that shit's turned you krayzee...Mark what were you thinking?

Mark: Dear God I'm trying to forget! (sings Chord's song he wrote the previous night) "Oh Amber, I knows you want up on my mamba"

Kevin: I don't even have the words...

Chord:What's wrong with it? It rhymes...

Kevin:I blame you,Mark!

Mark:How's it my fault! Do you know how hard its been for me?*sobs* I've had no sleep! Dude has been up all night reading fan fiction...waking me up to fangirl over them...I'm trying to pack our shit up to go back to L.A and you know I like my draws pressed just so! I've had to stop him from sending untold amounts of messages to sadhappygirl and Downbytheriver...not to mention FoxCB! (putting on a girlie accent imitating Chord) _I just love her fanfiction recommendations...they're so on point!_These chicks are gonna take out an injunction soon, dude!

Kevin: He is soo unsubtle in ain't even true...

Chord:*sob*

Mark: Awww hey man...we didn't mean to be so hard on you...I'm sure Amber will calm down sometime in the next millennium. C'mere and give me a hug...

Kevin: Yeah, dude please don't cry...

Chord: Oh my God the feels...THE FEEEEEELS!

Kevin:What the hell?

Mark: Aw shit, Kevin this dusty fucker here is watching Samcedes fan vids!

Kevin: Let me guess, he's found the fan art and fan vid thread...what's he watching?

Chord:*sobs* It's so beautiful...they're meant to be together...I can't with these two...(ugly creys)

Mark:Fool! Sam and Mercedes are together! (thwack) He's watching 'Part of the List'

Kevin:Oh ya..that one made me cry too...oh shit did I just say that out loud?

Chord: Dude, you so ship Samcedes!

Kevin: Whatever, if them trolls RIB can't see the epic awesomeness of Artcedes...(mutters) and McRiley...

Chord:*sigh* Riga has the most amazing fan art collection...she's a goddess! I _love_ the one in the shower...mmmm hot water...soap...and Amber...and me!

Kevin: I don't need to hear this shit! I don't need to hear this shit! Where the hell is that putrid ostrich at!

Mark: I've had to field Chicken birdbrain's calls...do you know how many times she's called? I've lost track...all I can hear is her incessant crawing!I'm surprised she can even dial with those raggedy nasty chicken talons...I'm thinking of trying to start birdbitch trending on Twitter...

Kevin:bwahahaha! Birdbitch...love it!

Mark: I think even she with her pigeon-toed brain will figure out Chord can't always be sitting on the pot!

Kevin: What the fuck were you thinking Chord! Shae is totally on to you!

Chord: Is not!

Kevin: Is too!

Chord: Is not!

Kevin: Listen to this you waste fool! This is what you wrote!"So I caught up on a few pages and I can see that the love for Emma is not strong here lol. I guess it's just a question but what makes you guys think Amber's the one for Chord instead of Emma? Im not loving the whole walking in socks business. That's just nasty!.no wonder her feet stink!

Edit- my typing sucks! I meant to say no wonder her feet must stink cos of course I have no firsthand knowledge lol!  
I've never noticed the knees either. I'll have to get a closer look! " Are you freaking insane!

Chord:What? I still haven't figured out how to erase shit...

Kevin:And what does Shae reply hmmm? "As for Ms. Arthritic Knees, I just think the youngin needs a couple of good home cooked meals. Starvation is not good for the brain, let alone the knees, as can be seen by the fact that She Who Shall Not Be Named made sure her makeup was laid on, but forgot one of the most important articles of clothing. Her damn shoes. *sigh. But if it was publicity she was looking for, she surely got it.

Chord, I try not to judge others...but you are quickly pushing me towards the edge. BIG side-eye" Dude, she called you out right there!

Mark: At least that Kurenai hasn't clocked on to us yet!

Kevin:That's cause she hasn't been around,idiot! That girl's like Sherlock fricking Holmes on acid...one sniff of the air and she be booting your trolling asses from here to the North Pole and back..

Mark:(shudders) she scares me...

Kevin:And I'm still no closer to locating Ducky...Maybe you should send Riga a message...she may know where Ducky is...

Chord: Ain't no way I'm doing that...she wants to climb me like a tree!

Mark:Look at it this way, I'm sure she's like a million times better than Chicka Shit...For a start at least she's human and not poultry..and two I don't think she'd have a problem wringing that damned chicken neck!

Chord: Shhh! Don't mention her.(looks around nervously)...I swear she's like Bloody Mary...say it enough times and she appears behind you to suck your soul into that chicken maw...

Kevin: Dude, those knees (shakes head) they are ossified...!

Chord: Those knees have given me nightmares! I try not to look at her legs cos the smell from her feet wafts up my nose!(retches) Then they just had to mention the knees and I looked...MY EYES!SOMEBODY PUT OUT MY EYES WITH A POKER! FOR THE LOVE OF GRILLED CHEEUS SOMEONE SAVE US FROM DESICCATED CHICKENS! SHE'S GOT FRIGGIN' DOORKNOBS FOR KNEES!

Kevin: Dude, dem's some dry ass chicken bones...

Chord(cell phone goes off again) Fuck! It's Chicken McGriddle! Here! Get rid of her..(shoves phone at Mark)

Mark:Dude what the hell is this? (Looking at the screen) The Abominable Dodo?

Chord: What? I stole it from Mocha...if the shoe fits...(shrugs)

Mark:Hello? No, he's on da pot...what's that you're saying? (mutters)Throw your ratchet poultry self on the fire...I said no baby I ain't no liar...(mutters)someone needs to flame grill yo ass...what? Its a bad line...I said I think he's got some bad gas...yeah laters..ya turkeyfied beotch!( hangs up) What're you gonna do at that Nylon party thing in a couple of days time? She gonna be there!

Chord:I'll be hanging in the restroom, checking my dash, reading my fics and lurking on the forum...maybe I'll call Amber..

Kevin: Shit fool! You on tumblr?

Chord:It's amazing! Dude the mafia are like so cool...the sex riots...Boop! Pregnant! I love effinbullseye...

Kevin:Dear God, what have I unleashed? You haven't by any chance come across Evansley?

Chord:Whats that?

Kevin:Dude that's like Sam and Shane...they even have fan fics about it!

Chord:...

Mark: You ok?

Chord: Oh God...I feel ill...I FEEL ILL! WHY DEAR GOD WHY?

Kevin:That's tumblr!

Mark:Back to Emma...

Kevin:Bosh,bash ,bish begone chicken ish!

Mark: Dude, that pigeon-haired skank's gotta hit the road...

Kevin: In the words of Sweet Brown,Lady B's hero..ain't nobody got time for that! Chord?

Mark:Chord?

Chord:...(typing furiously)

Mark:Oh shit...he's mailing Amber a link to a Rileystreet fic The Doe-eyed Fawn and Murry...

Kevin:Stop him!

Mark: (Jumping on top of Chord and wrestling him away from the screen)Fuck! Too late, he's sent it!

Kevin: Fuck me dude, you're on your own with that one!

Chord: (dialling on his cell phone)Amber?

Amber:You? Have you finally sobered up?

Chord:Check your mail and follow the link...

Amber:I'm warning you Chord...it had better not be about Jumpin' peens and gloryholes or magnetic panties...I still can't get that fool song outta my head! Ok so I'm on...(starts reading cue looooong silence then explosion)...what is this? OH MY GOD!WHAT IS THIS? ORAL SEX IN A CHEESECAKE FACTORY!CHORD OVERSTREET,YOU DRUNK MAILING ME AGAIN? I'MMA KILL YOU!(click and dial tone)

Kevin: Well that went well...

Chord: (giggling like a smitten fool)Ooooooh she so wants me! RILEYSTREET IS ENDGAME Y'ALL!

Kevin: Sweet Grilled Cheesus, man! Da Truth Ninja is back on twitter...shit's done about to get real...


	7. Da Truth Ninja Retweeted

**Big shoutout to my girls Shoe, Mocha,L4C,Vangie,Czech,LaSueca and Lady B! You guys rock the forum!**

**Jadziwine-again thank you so much for birdbitch!**

**Sadhappygirl/IxAMxDECANDENCE-you rock Chord's world!**

**Thank you so much for all your reviews for this one and The Wedding Planner**

**Please also check out my buddy Syl's Searching For A Heart...its amazing!**

**Lots of hugs and kisses- Jeni**

**Ok so Da Truth Ninja aka Lee Cullen makes a turn in this chapter to stir the pot some more...Emma tries to tweet him back...Mark and Chord's vacation is at an end wants Chord to take her to Hawaii as evidenced by an article in the UK's Daily Mail in which she gushes to a reporter that she's never been to Hawaii and would love a cute boy to take her there...hint hint Chord... Bloody Nora...how desperate is that chicken pot pie really!**

**Chord attends the Nylon Young Hollywood party to which Emma wears an ok dress but unfortunately those doorknocker knees are fully visible...in the pics from this on gleeforum Chord looks happier with random dude standing between them and we're about to find out why as Emma's chicken crazee comes out to play...**

**The reference to Team Wanky and Team Intact comes from the gleeforum where a Great Debate was held post On MY Way between 3 Teams-Wanky,Intact,Straddle as to whether Sam and Mercedes had already slept together (wanky), had not yet (intact) and could have gone either way (straddle) to which all participants were required to back up their arguments. As a proud member of the debating team for Team Wanky I can tell you we won (based on the number of likes our posts received which was the criteria for declaring a winner) although we later found out that canon says Intact won as per Sam's random sex talk with Joe.**

**Chord is still fangirling over Temptation with a Southern Accent and is now planning Samcedes vid marathons...and loves fangirl confessionals on youtube!**

* * *

**Somewhere on a ranch in Texas truth bombs are dropping and miles away in the UK Da Truth Ninja rubs his hands in glee...muahahahah!**

Mark:Kevin? What did he say?

Kevin: Check it! Man's a Shakespeare!

Lee Cullen datruthbombninja

Fool, you still with that pigeon toed hoe? You need a lobotomy stat! Throw dat birdbitch on da Fiyah!

chordoverstreet #birdbitch #throwdatbirdbitchondafiyah #birdbitchroberts

Mark:Ha! Dude is all kinds of awesome sauce! He beat me to it..Holla Chord! Birdbitchroberts is trending!

Chord: (groaning)Fuck me! She's going to kill me!

Kevin: Woo-hoo da truth bomb ninja is in da house!

Lee Cullen datruthbombninja

Bre you need to call Rentokil in NOW! Dat fungus on those claws be breeding! That's a minger right there and no mistake!

chordoverstreet #Rentokilpestcontrol #RobertsFungus #chickendiseasedfoot

Mark: (reverently)Dude is a god.. a chicken-slaying god!

Chord:(phone rings) Aww shit its birdbitch!

Mark: (sighs) Give it here...Wassup birdbitch? HE ON DA POT! (hangs up-puk-pwaking can be heard as he press the end call button) poultrified turdburger! Can't wait til we get back to L.A

Chord: (phone rings again) For the love of Samcedes! Gissit here! Yo birdbitch! Take yo feather havin' ass-

Amber: CHORD OVERSTREET YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE CALLING ME BIRDBITCH YOU BASIC FOOL! IMMA BREAK MY FOOT IN YOUR ASS, IDIOT! (hangs up)

Mark: Dude, you wanna book your box n plot now...if Amber doesn't kill you, Emma will peck your eyes out...just sayin'...

* * *

**A Few Days Later...**

**At the Nylon Yound Hollywood Party in the restrooms a certain Chord Overstreet is hiding while Darren Criss is looking for him...**

Darren:Chord? Chord? Are you in here?

Chord: (whispering):Dude, shut the freakin' door!

Darren: ( opening a cubicle and seeing Chord crouching on the toilet seat, feet off the floor)What is wrong with you?

Chord: Emma's out there, craning her abnormally long poultry-lookin' neck looking for me...

Darren: Wait isn't she your girlfriend?

Chord: Technically more birdfriend...

Darren: What the fuck dude?

Chord: (shrugging) She looks like a chook gone wrong

Darren:Really? You think so? I always thought she looked like more of a diseased ostrich, myself. When you taking her to Hawaii?

Chord:(scandalised)Hawaii? Who? Me? How about never!

Darren:Didn't you read what she said about getting a man to take her to Hawaii? That was some goose-necked begging right there...

Chord: Well it sure as hell is not going to be me! Shit can you imagine? (shudders)Instead of chicken kabob she'd be flame grilled kabob on da beach...the rancid smell from her feet would clear out the island in no time...if she got into the water the sharks would smell chicken and carry her off...

Darren:No way dude..even they'd leave that putrid chicken ish the hell alone! I don't think any of the hotels would allow her in...or they'd probably charge extra for wild fowl!

Chord:Oh God ...the bikini...all manner of wrongness (retches)Get out of my mind! GET OUT OF MY MIND!

Darren: Bikini? There isn't a bikini small enough to cover those fried eggs she calls breasts! All I can think about is chicken fillets raining down from her bra all over the place..cos you know she just doesn't use two...

Chord: Are you trying to scar me for life? I don't need to hear that shit! (dreamily) Maybe Amber could wear a bikini...mmmm...Dat azz...

Darren:Chord?

Chord:...

Darren:Earth to Chord!

Chord:I bet I could make her bikini bottoms fall off...I made her panties fall off cos I'm slick like that!

Darren:Huh? In whose world are you slick?

Chord: The Rileystreeters on gleeforum!

Darren:The Riley what?

Chord: (proudly) They love me...especially Riga...she said she was watching me!

Darren:Ohhh-kay, you've obviously bought the tickets, got the train, arrived and parked yourself on da pot in crazy town! At least Emma didn't look too bad tonight...I mean she normally wears clothes that even a tramp would side-eye(shakes head)

Chord:Fuck me! Did you see the knees...shit I thought my eyes were gonna drop outta my head and roll awaaaaay!

Darren: Those are some musty, dusty kneecaps right there dude! You're in desperate need of an eye test...damn that truth ninja dropped some truth on ya!

Chord: Don't remind me...I thought Emma was going to pluck all her feathers out!(checking iphone) Did you know she tried to tweet him?

Darren:Basic bish, that one! What did he say?

Chord:That he was sorry but he didn't speak fowl..check that shit out , dude, bwahahahaha!

RobertsEmma

Pwak!Cak!Squak!Pwuuuuuuk!

Retweeted by datruthbombninja

Lee Cullen  datruthbombninja

Apologies Oh Vulture-faced One but I don't speak fowl!

RobertsEmma #vulturefacedroberts #Ineedafowltranslator #chickenbeleaningonmylastnerv e

Retweeted by chordoverstreet

Oh look! Temptation With A Southern Accent has been updated (sigh) I love it soooo much...waaaaanky!

Darren: I cannot believe you retweeted that! No wonder she's crowing mad!Focus! This is no time to be reading fan fiction!

Chord: (reading) Oh my God...team wanky for the win!

Darren:Team Wanky?

Chord:Ain't no way Sam's a member of Team Intact...he totally be tapping dat ass (loud knock on the door and inhuman squawking ) shit man! That rabid goose is outside!

Emma: Puk-puk- pwuk! I know puk you're in pwuk-cuk in there Chord!

Darren:You're shitting me..she even caws like a chicken...

Chord: D'ya know the number of a local butcher?

Emma:Puk-puk-cwuk-puk!

Darren: (looking scared) Cheesus take da wheel and drive me outta here! Shit, man give me a hand up...I need to hide (climbs up on the seat next to Chord)

Chord:I'm on da pot birdbitch! I mean woman! (sounds of incessant chicken scratching and puk-puking can be heard outside)

Darren:Shit man that's some bad case of bird flu out there...or maybe its salmonella!

Chord:Begone turkey twizzler!

Darren:And to think I'm missing the wrap party for this?(Dreamily) I could've gotten to dance with Amber...

Chord: (side-eyeing) Listen you stunted musty fucker, ain't no way...bwahahaha! Ain't no way! Get it?

Darren:No...(under his breath) this dude is completely looney tunes...

Chord: Ain't no way you gonna be dancing with Amber anytime soon...like ever...even in your dreams..that gel they make you wear has rotted your brains, hobbit!

Emma: (Bird squawking has now reached a fever pitch outside) Chord!puk-puk-puk-uk-pwaaaaaaaaak!

Chord:Shit dude! Find a window! (walk over to a window reaches up a opens it)

Darren:What for?

Chord:We gon blow this joint...

Darren:Uh-uh...Do you know how much this suit cost? Heeeeelp! (Chord shoves him out the window before leaning over and trying to slide out himself) What the fuck?

Chord:Help me waste fool (hears the door handle being turned) That mad chicka ho gonna peck my ass off in a minute!

Darren:( grabbing Chord's arms and pulling)

Chord:Pull fool! Pull like your pulling feathers outta Emma's flat ass!

Darren: (tugging on Chord's arm frantically)I am!

Chord: (seat of pants caught on the latch of the window)Someone! Anyone! Amber! Save meeeeee! IT'S MURDER AND DA CHICKEN DONE IT!

Darren: (gives on final pull as the door busts open) Ahhhhhh!

Chord: (seat of pants rips as he slides through the open window..)

Emma:Pwukk-puk-puk-cwuk-cwuuuuuuuk! (Chord tries to slam the window shut as Emma's beak tries to poke out the window.)

Chord: Darren! (pushing with all his might as a Emma's wings arms beat at the window) Help!

Darren (pushing the window too) Fuck me? What kind of corn has this ratchet heffa been eating?

Chord: Push Dammit! Arrrrgh! DIE CHICKEN BISH DIE! (slamming the window twice on Emma's skinny feathery arms until they slither inside and a furious squawk can be heard.

Chord:Shit that was close!

Darren: What do we do now?

Chord:How about we go home and watch some Samcedes fanvids...I've just discovered Huggbuggstories...(sigh) the feeeeeels...those babies are too precious...Be afraid RIB! Be very afraid...You mess with my cuties and I will lay the hell to the beejesus smack down on your asses! Oh the power of you tube...and we can watch some fangirl confessionals! They gave me an award once! C'mon...say it with me-What are we? RileyStreet! What are we?Rileystreet! WHAT ARE WE? RILEYSTREET! HOOYAH! RILEYSTREET LEADS THE WAY!

Darren: (staring at Chord's ass where the material has ripped and is now completely exposing his underwear clad butt) Dude...why the hell have you got Amber printed across your butt?


	8. The Little Chicken Truck That Could

**Okay so this one was a little difficult..I kinda got stuck...but a big hug and thank-you to L4C/Lotustattoo who read the bit I had done and loved it so gave me the push to continue. To my gleeforum pals-Love you all lots even though you're all manner of cray cray! And to Chord...get a clue and a pair of bollocks bre...tis all!**

**An of course a big shoutout to sadhappygirl and IXAMXDECADENCE!**

**Also if any of you would like an honourable mention just lemme know lol!**

**The gleeforum gals' tumblr is now up at demlipsthoseabsdatazz...(I know ..the name sheesh!)**

**So having made a very lucky escape from Emma at the Nylon party, Chord has discovered the world of tumblr and Samcedes/Rileystreet roleplays, adverts for which frequently appear on his dash.**  
**The roleplay he is following is called Summer Gleeks in which Sam (the evansger) gets drunk and kisses another girl called Destiny even though he has zero feelings for her and is horrified by what he's done._Note this is a currently on-going rp that appears frequently on my dash and I decided to have a look. I then pictured Chord in the crack fic reading it and it was too good to leave alone) _Big shoutout to the guys who rp this..it is entertaining!**

**He has decided to audition for a role of his own...in an rp that has proved a little too confusing for Mark to get his head around. _Note this rp is completely made up for the purposes of this fic._**

**The complex existential question that Mark ponders is Schroedinger's Cat.**  
**Mark is just befuddled, Kevin is long-suffering and Darren just hasn't got a bloody clue...**  
**A helpful RileyStreeter on gleeforum has given him the number of a chicken truck company...1-800-chickenxterminator.**

**And Amber...seems like she's been doing a little trolling of her own...**

* * *

**Kevin,Darren and Mark outside Chord's front door the morning after the Nylon Party disaster.**

Darren: (knocking on front door) Chord!

Kevin: Yo Foolio! Open up!

Mark: C'mon , man open the hell up!

Darren:Do you think he's dead?

Mark:...Maybe (he drops his voice dramatically)_birdbitch_ has paid him a visit.

Kevin: (Banging on the door furiously)Waste Fool!

Door opens and Chord looks around quickly then grabs Kevin, Darren and Mark pulling them in.

Mark:What the fuck dude-

Chord:Shhh! I could've sworn I heard chicken cratching last night...

Darren:Don't you think you're just a little bit paranoid?

Kevin:Fuck no! That chicken gizzard totally looks like a psycho serial killer!Did you even see her walking down the street with no shoes on...that poultrified ish is wicked insane!

Darren:She's got some razor sharp talons on her now you mention it...

Chord:Ooooh IXAMXDECADENCE had updated My Guardian Dear...Sammy has wings I tell ya, wings!He can flyyyyyyyyyy!Yeah fly straight to dat cervix! (starts body-rolling and hip-thrusting) Yeah I'm hittin' dat cos I got da moves!

Kevin:Lord preserve us!

Chord: walking over to the laptop Oh my God!

Kevin:What?

Chord:I can't...

Mark:What can't you?

Chord:The feeeeeeels...

Darren:you ok?

Chord: (chokes back a sob) I need to breathe...omigod! Dead!

Kevin: (looking over his shoulder) OH MY GOOD GOD! Chord! What the fuck?

Mark:What! What!

Kevin:He's following rp's on tumblr!

Darren:RP's?

Kevin:Roleplays...didn't I tell you to keep away from tumblr you prize pranny?

Darren:What's a pranny?

Kevin: I'll have to ask Lady B or Anni on gleeforum..its British.

Mark:What is this shit?

Kevin: Lemme have a look...move ova fool! It 's called Summer Gleeks...Oh my sweet Cheesus! He's been reading a sex para between Sam and Mercedes!

Darren: (scandalised) Dude!

Chord: What the fuck! What the fuck! IMMA KILL YOU THE EVANSGER!

Mark:This cat's done lost it...

Darren:Who the hell is that?

Kevin: It's Sam...in this roleplay...calm down!

Chord:He's cheated on her with some slut called Destiny! What kind of name is Destiny? SAM WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON MERCEDES!I SHOULD KNOW!I AM SAM!I AM SAAAAAM!

Kevin:What are you doing you crazy fool?

Chord:I'm blowing their inboxes up...yeah check yourself the Evansger fool! Asshole! Ya dusty mothf-

Mark:Dude, that shits not real...

Chord:(typing furiously) ...Take that waste fool!

AN HOUR LATER

Kevin:Have you quite finished?

Chord:Ha I've sent untold number of messages to him and Destiny...choke on that ya cheatin hoebag!( turns his butt to the laptop screen and proceeds to moon at the screen with his custom-printed AMBER underwear)Do you think now that she's free from that moron miss-cedesjones would go out with me?

Darren:...I have _no_ words...

Mark: I have plenty...lemme see...I think you done gone lost your fool mind time ago but this...I can't with you!Fuck this shit...someone call me a taxi!

Darren: Have you got Amber printed on every piece of underwear you own?

Kevin:Wait...what is this shit! WHAT IS THIS SHIT?

Chord: I may have auditioned for a roleplay...

Mark:Are you fucking tapped?

Kevin:What the hell?

Chord:It's way cool..its takes place on a soap opera set and I play an actor called Sam Evans who plays a character called Chord Overstreet...

Kevin: Holy Mary Mother of God (thwack round Chord's earhole) You are Chord Overstreet waste fool!

Darren:...Wait so you're Chord Overstreet...who plays..Sam Evans...whoplays...Chord...Overstreet...that's like way existential...

Mark:...I'm lost... is that like one of those things where the cat is in the box but you don't know whether its alive or dead cos you can't see it and therefore it doesn't exist? My brain hurts...I think I've just confused myself!

Chord:I've sent the link to Amber to apply for Mercedes Jones...

Kevin:Who let me guess plays Amber Riley?

Chord:YES!

(There is a horrendous flapping and cawing at the door making all the guys stop dead)

Mark: (jumps into Kevin's arms)Shit! Its the Chickenaitor!Fuck me! I gotta hide...I gotta hide...Grilled Cheesus save me!

Kevin: Just shut up and make like noone's home!

Emma:I know puk-puk-caak you're in there bwak Chord!

Chord:There's no one here but us chickens!

Kevin: (Thump)

Chord:Owww what was that for!

Emma: caaak-quaaak!Let me puk-puk-puk-cwaaaak in!

Chord:Fuck this shit...grabs phone and dials 1-800-chickenxterminator...Hello? Yeah can you send a chicken truck..yeah we got a rabid chicken...how rabid? On a scale of one to ten? I'd say a 12...ten minutes? Great!

Emma:puk-puk-puk ...pak-pwuk-cwak!

**Ten minutes later the guys stand on the doorstep watching as the Chickenaitor is wrestled by 3 men into the chicken truck.**

Chord:Don't forget to write Birdbitch!

Mark:Yeah send us an egg when you lay one!

Kevin: Say hi to that great Chicken in the sky!

Truck pulls off as Emma's chicken screeching can be heard off into the distance.

Mark:Where's it going?

Chord:Pet food canning factory...

**Back at the laptop**

Kevin:Bro, its time for an intervention..(snatches laptop away and Chord lunges for it and a tug of war ensues)

Chord:Give it back!

Kevin:It's for your own good!

Chord:Sadhappygirl!IXAMXDECADENCE!SHAEEEEE! LADY B!LOVE4CEDES!Somebody!AMMMMBEEEEER! HEEEEEELP! (laptop flies across the room snd lands hard on the floor.

Chord:! (runs to pick it up, cradling it like a baby) It won't switch on...it won't switch on!

Kevin:...

Chord:All my fics, my fan vids, my gifs...Amber! I WANNA DIE! Darren:I think you broke him, man!

Mark: (hugging Chord and patting his back) There, there baby bear...

Chord: (sobbing pulls out phone and dials a number)

Amber:Hello?

Chord: *sob*

Amber:Hello? Is that you Chord?

Chord: Kevin broke my computer...waaaaaaaaah!

Amber:...

Chord:waaaaaaaah!waaaaaah!

Amber:What in the name of hell is this link that you sent me?

Chord:Waaaa- oh wait, that's the link for _Fire on Set_ rp! It's so cool Amber...you totally have to play Mercedes who plays a character called Amber! We could totally sex para and sex skype and sex text and sex mail and sex tweet!

Amber:...

Chord:Its way existant!

Darren:_Existential, _fool!

Amber: CHORD OVERSTREET ARE YOU DRUNK LINKING ME? IN THE WORDS OF LADY B HERSELF-AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT, FOOL! (click)

Kevin:Uh-oh it looks like Amber has discovered the glee forum..._Chord what are you doing?You can't give mouth to mouth to a laptop!_


End file.
